Inner child: pt. 2

I miss the days I was part of you. When you didn’t have to fight so hard to include me, hear me, be with me. All of me. I know we’ve been through a lot and that’s part of the reason we are who we are. You mean well, I know you do. Once bitten twice shy? Well more like a thousand shy. Lol. You’ve locked us up so tight I forgot how to breathe on my own. You do it for me now. You do it for us. All of it. How we look at the world, how we approach/avoid situations that bears the slightest resemblance of what hurt us. What changed us. I feel you. You want to gain control back. Our power. However, your determination often confuses me with vengeance.

Please let me out.

Remember when it used to be us? Just us? Our dreams, fears, hope, love, laughter, life. It was us. All that existed for us. I know that it may be a little foggy for you but it all burns alive in me. I don’t know when the shift happened, when it became only you. But at times I find myself angry. Angry at you for leaving me. Neglecting me. I know you mean well, you really do, but I am still here. I wish you’d let me out.

Please be careful. Don’t turn us into the people we feared, those that hurt us. You may not see it clearly but we’ve changed. Change can be good. But our change, neglects me. How I wish I coexisted with you. The only time you’re comfortable letting me out is when you believe you can hurt them more than they could, us. That at any sense of danger, it won’t take much for us to pack, leave even destroy if need be. I know you mean well, you really do. But this need for control is slowly ruining us. Making choices based on how much power we can have is no way to live. Please. Listen to me. Let me out.

I am not brushing off what happened, all that we’ve been through, neither am I taking light of your current ambitions and plans. I only ask that you see me, hear me, acknowledge me. I can help us. If you let me. I know I remind you of the pain, of what we lost, but I also come with hope, true joy of what we can be. What we always wanted to be. It may appear different now but we can figure it out. Together. Feel it all. Please, let me out.

The pain, hurt, betrayal are not the only thing i represent. I am so much more than that. You know it. Give me a chance to show you what we can have, what we can be, all that we are. Please believe me. You need me. I know you can kill us off completely if need be. You’d be alive but not really living. Sometimes more often than you’d ever admit you’re tempted to do just that. But I am still here. Desperately calling out to you. Begging, pleading, crying that you hear me, see me, feel me. Please.
Let me out.

With love,

Your inner child.