Why Is It So Hard to Just Say “Thank You”?

We’ve all been there. Someone hands us a compliment—maybe it’s on our work, our kindness, the way we’ve handled a situation, or something simple like the outfit we chose that day. It’s a moment that, in theory, should feel good. But instead, there’s an odd tension. For some of us, the discomfort is so strong that we deflect, divert, or even dismiss it altogether. We’re already saying, “Oh, it’s nothing” or “You’re the one who really deserves credit!” before we even process the kind words.

What Lies Beneath the Surface?

When someone appreciates us, it can feel like there’s a spotlight we didn’t ask for, and it’s almost like standing in front of a mirror we’re not ready to look into. There’s that inner voice—the one we usually keep tucked away—that starts to whisper things like, “Do I really deserve this?” or “If they knew the full story, they’d feel differently.” And instead of simply letting the compliment sink in, we’re already finding ways to dodge it, not because we don’t care, but because, sometimes, we don’t quite believe it.

The Quick Deflection Game

Picture this: a close friend praises you for how patient and compassionate you’ve been during a hard time. Almost instinctively, you reply, “Oh, I was just doing what anyone would do.” The words slip out so quickly that you barely realize what happened. Or maybe someone congratulates you on a recent success, and instead of celebrating with them, you start listing all the other people who helped make it happen. Deflect, deflect, deflect. It’s like second nature.

Why Does It Feel So Awkward to Accept Kindness?

For some of us, receiving a compliment means being seen—and that’s a vulnerable feeling. Sometimes, there’s this strange belief that if we just brush it off, we can avoid the awkwardness of standing out, even if just for a moment. Or maybe there’s a quiet fear that by accepting praise, we’re setting ourselves up for the possibility of letting others down later. So, we lean back into the shadows, thinking it’ll make things easier.

The Silent Wish for Change

There’s a part of us—often buried deep—that wishes we could accept a compliment without flinching. To just smile and say “thank you” without that voice in our head tearing the moment apart. It’s not about wanting endless validation; it’s about feeling that, maybe, we’re worth a little acknowledgment now and then. But it’s tricky. We want to believe it, yet the disbelief sits heavy.

Letting Yourself Be Seen (Even for a Moment)

Maybe next time someone says something kind, we don’t have to deflect. Maybe we can just let those words hang there, awkward as it might feel. Even if our first instinct is to shift the conversation, maybe we give ourselves permission to just… stay. To say, “Thank you,” and let that be enough.

It’s uncomfortable, yes. Vulnerable? Absolutely. But maybe, with time, we learn that we don’t need to diminish ourselves or our worth to feel comfortable. And maybe, just maybe, accepting kindness can become a little easier.