Conflict

I am not a fan of it. I try to avoid it like a plague if necessary. What do you do when you’ve done all the running and hiding, but it still catches up with you? There’s no escaping. It’s still there. Waiting. Kind of like a stare down contest. Who’s going to budge first? It’s plain obvious that it’s you.

You need to move. It’s in your way. Run in circles all you want but it’ll annoyingly jab at the back of your head until you finally give in. Conflict.
What about it do we detest it so?
The awkwardness? The unsettling out of place feeling? The exposure? Ah yes, that’s it. Being exposed. It rather strips you doesn’t it? When you address the conflict. The feeling of being naked, vulnerable, to the situation.

Oh and we hate that, don’t we?
We are human but don’t you dare imply that I have feelings? That I can be hurt? Embarrassed, in pain? Me? Show my weakness? Flaws? No no.. It’s okay if we imply that we all face that. As humans, rightfully so. But don’t go shining a spotlight on me!
I would much rather enjoy this delude state of sanity. Show everyone I am okay even when all I would rather do is scream, curse, fight. Burn it all to the ground. I am in pain, hurt, and ashamed. Feeling less than the image I portray.

I never really let my wounds heal. Perform a quick first-aid, so long as we’ve stopped the bleeding, let’s keep it moving. We got no time. The more time we give to it, the more we’re exposed. Tough it out! Walk it through. If you don’t think it, then it’ll not be it. So, avoid it, run away if you can. But, if all else fails, and the only way out is through? Then fake it darling! Don’t let it show how much it affects you. Under no circumstances are you to reveal your true feelings. No, we cannot have that. Mould yourself into who you need to be to get past this.
Easy, done! Simple, now let’s make a run for it, lest it catches up with the lie.

Ah, conflict. I really hate you so.

I should probably write a counterpart to this. I probably will. But on this one, Let the toxicity shine through, baby.